We’re All Socially Awkward Right Now (and That’s Okay!)

Last weekend, I saw a few friends outside at a park on a truly perfect early summer day (dont worry, we had masks and stayed socially distant!). I laughed so much and had beautiful, meandering conversations with people whose meals, laundry and toothbrushing techniques remain deliciously mysterious and separate from mine. I TALKED TO OTHER PEOPLE! PEOPLE WHO DONT LIVE WITH ME! What a day.When I got home, I had a message. A friend wanted to clarify a joke in case I took it the wrong way.The next morning, a different friend, referencing a different conversation, wanted to clarify something, too. Im afraid my tone mightve been off.Girl. We are all off right now, its okay!I laughed with affection as I gazed into my phone, my preferred pandemic pose of the last 15 months, and messaged back: Dont worry, I get it!We are all socially awkward now.(Related:Going the Distance: How Covid Has Remapped Friendships)

Crawling toward summer

While social re-entry is happening at different times depending on where you live, I doubt any of us are doing pas-de-bourres with our best face forward. If you are looking at yourself in a full-length mirror, wondering, Did I really wear this all year? as you overthink everything you said in your last Zoom call, I am doing the same.So this is what re-entry feels like.Personally, I am crawling toward summer wondering how to feel normal or at least, not like I pickled myself with chips and beer all winter in a fleece sausage-casing.Im overworked, tired, and I am still languishing.This week, Im half-laughing at myself, half-genuinely irritated as I use janky dictation software due to a new case of tendinitis in my wrist and thumb (perhaps a hazard of that pandemic phone pose).When we feel crummy like this, our friends should we be so lucky to have amazing, caring friends would say, You need to take care of yourself!Well, I say the best self-care right now is to actually care for our friends.(Related:How to Keep Your ‘Big Friendships’ Alive, Especially During a Pandemic)

Self-care is friend care

Here are a few reasons why I think self-care, right now, is really group care:

• Its actual brain science: Do you have brain fog? Simply noticing it isnt enough to snap out of it. All this sameness and lack of socializing has really done a number on us. But the good news is this foggy feeling isnt permanent. Brain plasticity is how humans adapt. And novelty is key for the human brain. Heres an excerpt from an Atlantic story quoting a neuroscientist: Being outside of your home, bumping into people, commuting, all of these changes that we are collectively being deprived ofis very associated with synaptic plasticity, the brains inherent ability to generate new connections and learn new things.
• BFFs are good for your longevity: A few years back, a friend sent me a news story on moais, an Okinawan tradition of grouping children from birth into a small group. These small groups experience life together and learn to support each other emotionally, socially even financially for life. Research shows that your social connections can have long-term impact on your health and happiness. You mimic the habits of your three closest friends. May we all experience a friends night out like this one day.
• Real self-care has never been solo: Self-care is often marketed as a solo activity (think sheet masks or spa visits) but its Week 59,304 of the pandemic; can you imagine anything you want less than an activity by yourself? Listen, I love nice toenails as much as the next person, but they dont last. Ive never laughed til I cried with a nail technician. Meanwhile, I still think about memorable meals, conversations and words of wisdom shared between friends. My most embarrassing moments? Only my moai really knows them.

See your friends. Safely, sure, but this is the activity that will truly soothe your soul. Even if it feels awkward at first. Relationships give us joy and I cant think of a better definition of self-care.Hannah Sungs column appears monthly(ish) on Best Health. Its adapted from her (excellent) newsletter, At The End Of The Day. If youre interested in reading more, sign up for it down below or click here.Next, here are 9 books to help you reset your mind and destress.

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